Domestic Violence is not only physical is also mental, verbal, sexual, I can honestly say that I have experience it all. It took courage and good people behind me to help me realize that I needed to walk away from the nightmare that I was living. The family was there all the time waiting for me to ask them for help, they were willing to help and in the end they did, I will like to tell them that I am very grateful that they were there for me, that I have come this far and they would be proud , I want them to know that the children are happy. There is so much to tell I don't know where to begin, is better that they see for themselves what an accomplishment I've made and they had such great part in it . Someone asked me if I would consider going back with him if he ever changed, I will like to tell you my response, If he change good for him but I will never go back, I have been trough this before, I have experienced his changes and he would end up going right back into the same situation, I would only be punishing my self as well as my children, I will always remember the pain, the fear in my heart and that is enough for me to know that there is no turning back, once and abuser always and abuser.
My children and I deserve a peaceful home. Saying "NO" was scary for me, when situations raised where he wanted something and even if I didn't want it to, I felt that I had to because I was afraid to make him mad. He wanted to be intimate all the time regardless of how I felt and I had to do what he wanted me to even if it killed me inside.
I cried most of the time after it was all over and I would cry my self to sleep, I never dressed the way I wanted because he would always complain and accused me of being unfaithful, I always wore my hair the same way all the time I always did everything he told me to do even if I didn't wanted to. Regardless of what anyone had to say, I always stood by his side, no matter what he did I always gave him the right even if he was wrong, I tried to please him. Everything I did was to make him happy even if it meant me being miserable. imagine being stuck up on the top of a roller coaster and have nowhere to go, that was the way I felt every time Rey came home mad, the majority of the time he would be so angry that he would begin to curse and threaten me, he was good a calling me names, He liked throwing things around, I got so used to saying yes to everything that he wanted that I believed I had to all the time.
I realized now that I don't have to anymore, I can say no at anytime and not feel fear nor feel obligated to any kinds of demand, now I don't have to worry that he is going to hit me or call me names even throw things at me. Those days are over. I found the courage to leave him the day that he asked me to choose; the Kids or him, I chose the kids, I had taken so much from him already and was not about to choose him over the children, no way, no how, I realized then that this was the time to escape from the nightmare, I felt this is my chance to set us free, I got tired of his name calling and the threats, he kept me from seeing my best friend and from visiting family, he became possessive, jealous, he check the time all the time I was outside he account it for every minute, he would spend his money and my money too, he liked to tell me that he was going to kill me and have pleasure doing it, he made me feel inferior.
Everyone would see the monster that he was, but I refused to see it, he abused me mentally as well as physically, I felt hurt, confused, most of the time that I sometimes wished I would die. The night that he tried to make me choose him over the kids, that was the day I woke up. I wanted to leave him and did not know how, I was so scared, I remember one time when I had mentioned to him that if he did not change I was going to leave him, and he said; if you leave me you will not make it out there without me, you need me, I wanted to run away so many times, I suffered nose fracture, fracture on the skull, broken tail bone, fractures on the second and third rib cages, fracture of the pelvic bone, and some others, many left scars and some others the scars can only be seeing by me, you see internal scars will always be there and will never disappear, I was afraid of him and to think that I was married to him, he was supposed to take care of us. This is my story the story of my marriage and how I survived..
The worst thing in the world is having to report your own husband to the police and in my case I had no choice. I had gone to the hospital right after he fractured my nose, I thought that I can get away with saying that maybe one of my children accidentally kicked me while sleeping, but you see I was already down as being abused by the hospital because that was where I went every time I was hurt, I remember that day like if it was yesterday, I walked in the emergency room and the triage nurse looked at me and said; broken nose, I said I don't know I just can't breath, she said yes that is because you have a fracture, she said you know this is the last time you are going to walk in here and make an excuse, I wanted to leave but I just could not take the pain, I waited to be seen by the doctor and it happen to be the same one from previous times, she asked me to lay down on the bed and I was not sure why she asked me, but I did, she started to examine me and I told her that I was there for my nose and she said what is the excuse this time, she was sure that this had something to do with abuse, she notice that there were bruised ribs and right away x-rays where made, sure enough fracture ribs and fracture nose, she stated that day this is the last time you come in here and walk away without making a complaint, before I knew it she was telling me a story about a girl who was murdered my her husband and how that might end up to be me.
The hospital was not going to take anymore responsibility for my injuries, and were not going to wait on me to make the complaint, so they made the complaint themselves, before I knew it I was filling a police report against my husband, I was so scared I really thought that maybe I could get away with it and let it go, but it was too late. they wanted to arrest my husband that same day but they knew that I was afraid and they asked me to go home, and somehow find the way to bring him in the precinct my self.
What a nightmare I was giving the weekend to do this, when Monday came, I told my husband that he need it to go with me to the police Dept, he asked what for and I told him that I need it to pick up some papers for court, (I worked in the legal field at the time) so I used that excused and he came along, he knew once we got inside the police officer that wrote the report was standing right in front of us and asked me, is this your husband and I said yes he is. right there he knew and was calm about it but scare at the same time, he said he can not believe that I went that far, he said it was an accident I did not mean to hurt you and you know that. I did not know what to say to him and just started to tell him ok I am sorry, when we was told that the case it's out of the hands of the police department and that we need it to go up to the detectives headquarters, now I began to panic and he was calmas day, he said one thing before they took him inside, "if I go to jail, when I come out you are going to pay" this detective came out the door and asked us to come inside, before you knew it he was being placed under arrest for Domestic abuse.....
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